Anyone who’s seen an episode of “Modern Family” knows that families these days come in many different shapes and sizes. Long gone are the days when a “family” was defined as a mother, father and two children (or was it 2.5 children? Where does the .5 come from anyway?). In this article, we’ll focus on one of the types of families that’s common in our modern culture: the blended family.

A “blended family” comes into being when parents divorce, and at least one remarries. While everyone may get along effortlessly while the parent is alive, that too-often doesn’t happen once the parent dies. Why? Because the law still hasn’t caught up to our modern definition of “family.” The law often favors the spouse, which works well when the spouse and the deceased have children together. But when the deceased parent has children from another marriage, the children can - indeed, often are - cut out of their inheritance.

Other than the law being slow to catch up, there are a few more reasons why this happens:

• The parent trusts the new spouse completely and can’t comprehend the spouse ever doing anything to harm the children;
• The new spouse may place his or her own interest ahead of the children - or have children from a first marriage and want them to benefit instead; or
• The parent has not been educated about what could happen when he or she dies, and hasn’t consulted with a competent attorney to get educated.

In a recent marketwatch.com article, a woman wrote about her own nightmare scenario. Her father (we’ll call him “Dad”) owned several properties, including the house she lived in as a child. He remarried, and when his health started to decline, her stepmother (we’ll call her “Stepmom”) made financial moves so he could qualify for government health care benefits under the Medicaid program. Whereas Medicaid is a needs-based program (meaning, you only qualify if you can’t afford to pay), many people with means are able to take advantage of legal maneuvers and set their assets aside so they qualify. Doing this keeps assets protected for the next generation(s).

So far, so good. It seems as if Stepmom has the children’s interests at heart, right? Not so fast.

In order to qualify for Medicaid, Dad had to transfer his assets to someone else while he was alive. That “someone else” was Stepmom. Apparently, she convinced Dad it was the right move and that she could be trusted with his properties. Dad eventually died, and so at the time of his death, Stepmom owned all his properties, including the childhood home. Stepmom went on a selling spree, cashing in on them all. And guess where the money went? If you guessed Stepmom and HER daughter, you’d be right. Dad’s children from his first marriage got nothing.

You may be thinking that’s a horribly unfair outcome - so bad that it has to be illegal. But it’s not. It’s completely legal. Once Stepmom owned the properties, she was free to do anything she wanted with them. She chose - deliberately – to give her stepchildren none of the proceeds and under the law, she had the absolute right to do this. The children had no recourse. They’d lose in court every day of the week - and twice on Sundays. 

And so we’re left to wonder: is this the outcome Dad wanted? Could he have foreseen Stepmom was capable of cutting out his children? And did he know there was another way he could have protected them and still qualified for government benefits? With education from a trusted lawyer, would he have done anything differently?

If you want to avoid the same tragic consequences, there are some steps you can take right away:

1. Don’t Be Afraid of the Inevitable: Benjamin Franklin is quoted as saying, “Nothing is certain but death and taxes,” and he was half right (you can avoid taxes with careful estate planning but that’s a topic for another article). Death is certain. Yet we’re all uncomfortable talking about death, much less planning for it. Accept death as a reality then make plans while you can.
2. Hold a Family Meeting: Having a heart-to-heart about your wishes, values and goals can go a long way in preventing misunderstandings after you pass away.
3. Educate Yourself: Hands down the single most important thing you can do is educate yourself, and educate yourself now. Don’t rely on the internet. Laws are different from State to State, families are different, assets are handled in different ways, and the internet won’t take all this into account.
4. Work With a Lawyer Who Understands Your Family Dynamics: One size doesn't fit all when it comes to planning for life & death matters like these! What works for one family might not work for yours. You need a tailored plan to fit your unique needs. You deserve, and your family deserves, to have a plan that works when your family needs it. That’s why you need a trusted, heart-centered attorney who will appreciate your unique situation and educate you so you’re empowered to put the right plan in place. Your family’s future literally depends on it.

Your loved ones don’t have to face tragic circumstances when you pass. With honest conversations, proper education, and guidance from a trusted attorney, you can put together a plan that keeps the peace and makes sure your loved ones are taken care of just the way you want. 

To learn more about how we approach estate planning from the heart and yet with all the strategies you need to keep your assets in the family, schedule a complimentary 15-minute call with our office.

This article is a service of a Personal Family Lawyer® Firm. We don’t just draft documents; we ensure you make informed and empowered decisions about life and death, for yourself and the people you love. That's why we offer a Life & Legacy Planning Session™, during which you will get more financially organized than you’ve ever been before and make all the best choices for the people you love. You can begin by calling our office today to schedule a Life & Legacy Planning Session™.

The content is sourced from Personal Family Lawyer® for use by Personal Family Lawyer® firms, a source believed to be providing accurate information. This material was created for educational and informational purposes only and is not intended as ERISA, tax, legal, or investment advice. If you are seeking legal advice specific to your needs, such advice services must be obtained on your own separate from this educational material.

Proper estate planning can keep your family out of conflict, out of court, and out of the public eye. If you’re ready to create a comprehensive estate plan, contact us to schedule your Planning Session. Even if you already have a plan in place, we will review it and help you bring it up to date to avoid heartache for your family. Schedule online today.

Blended families were once considered “non-traditional” families, but today, blended families are becoming just as common as non-blended families. Currently, 52% of married couples (or unmarried couples who live together) have a step-kin relationship of some kind, and 4 in 10 new marriages involve remarriage.

If you’re part of a blended family, you’ve probably recognized the extra layer of complexity that comes with planning for your family’s needs and accommodating the many relationships that exist between step-parents, step-kids, and step-siblings. Topics that might be straightforward for a “traditional” family - such as where to spend the holidays or who gets the old family car - are more complex.

Feelings tend to be more sensitive, as the person in a “step” role may feel self-conscious about their place as the “outsider” of the family, whereas on the other hand, one parent’s children may feel put out by the addition of a new step-parent, step-sibling, or half-sibling when their mother or father remarries.

In a blended family, you work hard to navigate these complexities to keep the family unified and happy. But what you might not know is that our laws for what happens if you become incapacitated or die are still very much based on the traditional family model, which means that your blended family will likely end up in court and conflict without planning for them in advance.

Every state has different provisions for what happens when you become incapacitated or die, and the laws of the state where you become incapacitated or die may or may not match your wishes. What’s more, even though you may see your step-family members the same way as your blood relatives, the law does not.

For example, in Colorado, if you are survived by a spouse, your surviving spouse would only receive a part of your estate if you have living children (or parents!), and your living children or parents would receive the rest. And the amount your spouse receives is variable based on the number and ages of your children.

In contrast, in California, all community property assets would go to your surviving spouse, and separate property assets would be distributed partially to a surviving spouse and partially to children, if living, in amounts depending on the number of surviving children.

In Texas, it can get very complex, depending on whether your assets are separate or community, and whether you have children from the marriage, no children from the marriage or living parents or siblings.

As you can see, what’s true for what happens when you die may not result in the outcome you want for your loved ones, especially in a blended family situation. That’s why it’s so important to create an estate plan for your blended family well in advance, and I encourage you to discuss your plan with the members of your family to avoid hurt feelings, confusion, or pain in the future.

Estate planning is often seen as a highly private affair, but it doesn’t have to be, and oftentimes, shouldn’t be. In the case of a blended family, having open conversations with your loved ones about your estate plan and your goals for the family can save them from hurt feelings and even court battles in the future.

Like all families, how you plan for your blended family will depend entirely on your family dynamics, your family members' situations, and your own personal values for how an inheritance should (or shouldn’t) be received and what kind of legacy you want to leave behind.

Maybe you have step-kids and biological kids but want all of your children to inherit an equal share from you and your spouse. Maybe there’s a large age gap between your step-kids and biological child, so you want to make sure that your youngest has the financial support they’ll need if something happens to you whereas the older children are able to support themselves.

Maybe you have a step-parent or step-sibling that you would want to gift a special item of yours like a watch or necklace. Well, for better or worse, a person you have a step-relationship with has no right to inherit from you under the law, unless you put your plan in writing.

You don’t need to give away every detail of your Will or Trust, or tell everyone who you named to make decisions for you if you’re incapacitated. Instead, start by having an open conversation about the general goal of your estate plan, such as wanting everyone to have an equal share, or that you want to provide more for your biological children because your step-children will already receive a full inheritance from their other parent.

By taking the mystery out of your estate plan goals, your stepchildren will feel included in the discussion and feel like they are knowledgeable about your plan rather than feeling hoodwinked or hurt if they find out later that your plan doesn’t align with the expectations they created for it in their minds.

Most importantly, let the people in your life know you value and love them, and that no matter how they’re related to you, you care about them and want them to inherit not just material things from you, but also your values, stories, and legacy.

To make sure your wishes for your blended family are followed in the event of your death or incapacity, it’s essential to have a well-crafted estate plan created by an attorney experienced in serving blended families. As your Personal Family Lawyer®, I know all too well the importance of planning for blended families and can help you navigate your options and desires for your family’s plan.

But what really sets me apart from other estate planning lawyers is that I know that your material possessions are only a small part of a successful estate plan. What will really matter to your family members, no matter how they became your family, is your legacy.

Instead of leaving your family a mess to be battled over in court, leave your family an example of financial wellness, of a plan filled with personal values and family history.

To do this, I include what I like to call a Family Legacy Interview with all of my estate plans. During this interview, I give you the opportunity to leave your most important assets - your values, stories, and heart - to your family in a meaningful way that they’ll cherish for years after you’re gone.

And for a blended family, the Family Legacy Interview can be even more valuable, because it gives you the opportunity to really speak to your loved ones about the plan you created for them and how much you value the place they hold in your heart.

If you want to protect your blended family from a court battle and emotional conflict, give me a call today to schedule a Family Wealth Planning Session™. During the Session, I take the time to really get to know you and your family’s unique situation and educate you about what exactly will happen to your family under the law if something happened to you right now, so you can make confident decisions about what’s right for your family. Even more, I welcome you to invite the members of your blended family to be a part of the conversation.

This article is a service of a Personal Family Lawyer® Firm. We don’t just draft documents; we ensure you make informed and empowered decisions about life and death, for yourself and the people you love. That's why we offer a Family Wealth Planning Session™, during which you will get more financially organized than you’ve ever been before and make all the best choices for the people you love. You can begin by calling our office today to schedule a Family Wealth Planning Session.

The content is sourced from Personal Family Lawyer® for use by Personal Family Lawyer® firms, a source believed to be providing accurate information. This material was created for educational and informational purposes only and is not intended as ERISA, tax, legal, or investment advice. If you are seeking legal advice specific to your needs, such advice services must be obtained on your own separate from this educational material.

Proper estate planning can keep your family out of conflict, out of court, and out of the public eye. If you’re ready to create a comprehensive estate plan, contact us to schedule your Family Wealth Planning Session. Even if you already have a plan in place, we will review it and help you bring it up to date to avoid heartache for your family. Schedule online today.

With divorce occurring in roughly 50% of all marriages in the U.S. and life expectancy increasing every day, second—and even third—marriages are becoming quite common. And when people get remarried in mid-life and beyond, they often bring children from prior marriages into the mix. Such unions are often referred to as a “blended” family or a “Brady Bunch” family.

But blended families can also take other forms. Whether you have stepchildren, adopted children, children from a previous relationship, or you have someone you consider “kin,” even though that individual might not be classified as your legal relative in the eyes of the law, these are also examples of a blended family.

Whenever you merge two families into one, you are naturally going to encounter some challenges and conflict. To this end, blended families present a number of particularly challenging legal and financial issues from an estate planning perspective. Indeed, though all families should have an estate plan, planning is absolutely essential for those with blended families.

If you have a blended family and something happens to you, without a carefully considered estate plan, your loved ones are at risk for significant misunderstanding and conflict, and having your assets tied up in court, instead of passing to those you want to receive them. Unless you are okay with setting your loved ones up for heartache, confusion, and pain when something happens to you, you need an estate plan that’s intentionally designed by an experienced lawyer (not an online document service) to keep your loved ones out of court and out of conflict.

While you should meet with us, your Personal Family Lawyer® to plan for your particular family situation, here are a few of the most common issues blended families should keep in mind when creating or updating their estate plan.

If you get remarried and have children from a previous marriage, you need to think about how you want to balance providing for your new spouse and ensuring the children from your previous marriage receive an inheritance from you, in the event of your incapacity or when you die.

If you intend to keep your assets separate, so each spouse can pass an inheritance to his or her own children, you’ll need to create and maintain separate financial accounts. For instance, one account contains the assets you want to pass on to your children, and the other can be either a separate or joint account that contains the assets you want to share with your new spouse.

Keep in mind, if you and your spouse commingle your income and assets, then the new spouse will have claim and control of those assets when you die, which can easily leave your kids with nothing. Moreover, joint accounts can be subject to claims from a former spouse and/or creditors, so unless you want your new spouse to share that risk, keep at least some of your assets separate.

And if you’re keeping assets separate, be sure to talk with us, your Personal Family Lawyer® about the best ways to do that, since it can get somewhat tricky, particularly when you are sharing some assets and buying new assets together with your new spouse.

If you have children for whom you want to leave an inheritance, you need to consider how and when you want those assets to be passed on. For example, what would happen if you die prematurely or if your spouse is significantly younger than you? Do you want your kids to wait until your new spouse dies to receive their inheritance, or do you want them to receive it immediately following your death? Perhaps you desire to create a hybrid in which your children receive a small inheritance at the time of your death, and they receive the rest upon the death of your new spouse, which could be many years in the future.

Establishing trusts for each spouse’s children can protect those assets and stipulate when the kids receive their inheritance. You may want to provide your children with some of their inheritance, such as proceeds from a life insurance policy, upon your death, and then release the rest at some point in the future. Or if your kids are very young, you may decide to leave that decision up to your spouse or a third-party successor trustee, who can better determine the most advantageous time to pass on your children’s inheritance to them.

As your Personal Family Lawyer®, we will work with you, taking into account your unique family dynamics, assets, and potential areas of risk and conflict to help you determine the optimal time to pass on your wealth and other assets to your heirs to ensure it has the maximum benefit for everyone involved.

A common scenario for blended families is for one spouse to set up a revocable living trust that names themselves as the trustee during his or her lifetime, with the surviving spouse named as successor trustee once the first spouse dies. Yet, this would leave all decisions related to the trust assets to the surviving spouse, which could cause conflict with the children from your prior marriage.

For example, the new spouse may choose to invest the trust assets conservatively, ensuring he or she has enough money to live comfortably for a few decades, instead of investing the assets for growth. On the other hand, the children—particularly if they are younger—might be better off having the assets placed into higher-risk investments, which can offer better returns in the long run, but leave less income for the surviving spouse.

In this case, it could be best to name a neutral third-party as successor trustee, so both your children and surviving spouse’s interests can be balanced fairly.

If you are in a second (or more) marriage, with children from a prior marriage, the conflicting interests of your children and spouse can create serious strife between them in the event something happens to you. To reduce the likelihood of conflict, your estate plan needs to contain clear and unambiguous terms, spelling out the beneficiaries’ exact rights, along with the rights and responsibilities of executors and/or trustees. Such precise terms help ensure all parties know exactly what you intended.

Additionally, it’s essential that you meet with all affected parties within your blended family while you’re still alive (and of sound mind) to clearly explain your wishes directly, if you hope for your loved ones to love each other after you are gone. Sharing your intentions and hopes for the future with your new spouse and children from a prior marriage can go a long way in preventing disagreements over your wishes for each of them.

As your Personal Family Lawyer®, we can even facilitate these meetings to help ensure your blended family maintains a harmonious relationship no matter what happens to you.

In addition to planning for your eventual death, you must also plan for your potential incapacity. In this case, you’ll need to discuss how planning vehicles for your incapacity, such as a durable financial power of attorney, medical power of attorney, and a living will will be handled.

For example, if you become incapacitated, who would you want making your legal, financial, and medical decisions for you? If your children are young, it’s best to leave those decisions up to your surviving spouse. However, if your children are older, you may want them included in the discussion of how such decisions will be made. Or you may prefer to name one of your adult children as your decision maker, or you might divide the different duties between your spouse and adult children.

Regardless of what you choose, we can support you to create an estate plan that ensures your incapacity will be managed exactly how you would want in every possible scenario.

Along with other major life events like births, deaths, and divorce, entering into a second (or more) marriage requires you to carefully review and rework your estate plan. And updating your plan is exponentially more important when there are children involved.

As your Personal Family Lawyer®, we’ve been specially trained to counsel blended families on how to properly protect their assets in a manner that’s best for both the spouse and any children involved. We will ensure that you and your new spouse can clearly document and communicate your wishes to avoid any confusion or conflict over how assets and/or legal agency will be managed and passed on in the event of one spouse’s death or incapacity.

If you have a blended family, or are in the process of merging two families into one, sit down with us, your Personal Family Lawyer® to discuss your different planning options. Contact us today to schedule your visit.

This article is a service of a Personal Family Lawyer®. We do not just draft documents; we ensure you make informed and empowered decisions about life and death, for yourself and the people you love. That's why we offer a Family Wealth Planning Session™, during which you will get more financially organized than you’ve ever been before and make all the best choices for the people you love. You can begin by calling our office today to schedule a Family Wealth Planning Session and mention this article to find out how to get this $750 session at no charge.

Proper estate planning can keep your family out of conflict, out of court, and out of the public eye. If you’re ready to create a comprehensive estate plan, contact us to schedule your Family Wealth Planning Session. Even if you already have a plan in place, we will review it and help you bring it up to date to avoid heartache for your family. Schedule online today.